Crumpled Paper
by Corrupted-Phoenix
Summary: The more time he spent with the ninja, the worse and harder he fell for him. [KuroxFai, Short Story]


Haha, this would have been finished earlier if I hadn't spotted a big, fat, gaping plothole. (And also the fact that I was basically nowhere near my computer for two days.) I tried fixing it but I dun know if it's a little obvious, but I guess it doesn't matter too much. It's the thought that counts, right?

Well anyways, this turned out a _lot_ longer than expected. It was originally just going to be like, under 500 words but I started to get really into it and ended up with over 2000 words. Go C-Phi, eh?

**Title**: Crumpled Paper.  
**Rating**: PG.  
**Genre**: Flangst, I suppose.  
**Theme**: #6 – handwriting; letter.  
**For**: 30breathtakes.

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**Crumpled Paper; **_by Corrupted-Phoenix  
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It was deadly quiet in Fai's room.

Sure, it may have been one in the morning, but Fai was never quiet. Even at night the mage was making some sort of noise every now and again, if only by merely knocking something off the night stand in his sleep. And on the nights Kurogane couldn't sleep well, he was sure he heard the blonde falling out of bed on more than one occasion.

But Fai was not asleep. In fact, he wasn't even in his bed. He was sitting at the desk in the corner; slouched forward and face buried into pale, delicate hands. The only thing that proved he was still alive was the steady up and down of his back when he inhaled and exhaled.

He wasn't crying, but was close to it.

Honestly? Fai couldn't stand smiling away his troubles and true feelings, ignoring the horrible burning of his heart or even being in the same room as Kurogane anymore. The more time he spent with the ninja, the worse and harder he fell for him.

Fai wasn't used to falling. He was used to running and hiding. When you're falling you can't run and you can't hide. If you do nothing then no one will know you're there, or how much it hurts when that fall finally ends.

The fear of falling was overwhelming, yet he couldn't stop it.

Fai sighed, tired and downhearted. The blonde rubbed at his eyes soothingly, only to collapse back down on the desk in a heap. In his hand was an apparently magical blue-inked pen that translated into any language; meaning that absolutely anyone could read it regardless of language barriers – and that included Kurogane. Underneath his slumped body was a blank piece of paper.

This was the only way Fai could think of to tell Kurogane exactly how he felt, but no matter how many times the tip of that pen touched that paper he found himself unable to write any words. But this was the first and only world the group had come across with these special translating pens (if they even _did_ translate, the salesmen around here all looked so damn shady), and if writing was the only way out then Fai had no better opportunity than right now.

Fai half hoped that they pen actually _didn't_ work.

"Why did this even have to happen?" The quiet complaint was half sarcastic, half somber.

After a moment, the blonde finally forced himself to sit up. Bright blue eyes stared down at the blank sheet. There was a long period of time in which that was all Fai did, as if willing the words to write themselves. Of course, there was no magic he knew of to make that happen.

_Come on, Fai. Breathe. Just write. Write whatever's in your mind and heart. Even if you can't give him this letter and let him know what those things are, at least let yourself know._

There was an obvious hesitation, but sure enough, words began to take their place on that sheet of paper.

&&&

Upon finishing his letter, Fai's eyes were stinging with misery.

This was ridiculous. He thought that this would help him but all it did was taunt him and laugh in spite of him. Nothing helped him anymore and nothing would ever make Kurogane notice this. Why couldn't the ninja just catch on by himself already? He seemed to notice everything else.

Fai crumpled the piece of paper in a tight fist.

"Kurochii…" He whispered as a sad frown tugged on the corners of his mouth.

It took Fai a while to get his emotions under control and the stinging of oncoming tears to subside. When he finally did, the blonde stood slowly on weak legs to reach his bed. Fai didn't bother pulling back the blankets and just collapsed face-first.

He was only vaguely aware of the fact that he was still clutching the letter tightly in his hand. Somehow, he couldn't seem to let go. But it didn't really matter in the end, because letting go of the letter would have done nothing to help anyways.

And despite his so-far-successful struggle against the tears he knew were close to spilling from his eyes, Fai ended up crying himself to sleep that night.

&&&

It was unusual for that damn mage to sleep in so late. For God's sakes, he hadn't even been drinking last night! It was an hour past noon and still no one had heard any movement or sound from Fai.

Kurogane was the first to lose it. Storming up the stairs and bursting into the room Fai was sleeping in, he took a deep breath and readied himself to issue a very loud wake up call. But when he saw the look on Fai's sleeping face, no words came out. The breath he had just taken simply escaped, and for a moment he forgot to take another one.

Kurogane had never seen Fai look so miserable.

It was easy to see that Fai was somehow in pain, but whether it was physical or merely from a nightmare Kurogane couldn't be sure. Of course, the ninja _had_ seen Fai in pain before, but this was somehow different. It looked as though Fai was broken instead of merely injured, and Kurogane honestly didn't know how to react.

The man was silent as he slowly crossed the room, eyes barely leaving Fai. As he neared the blonde, he noticed that his pillow had a few damp spots on it. Had he been crying? It sure looked like, especially when Kurogane noticed the slight puffiness to his closed eyes. The ninja also took notice of a crumpled piece of paper in Fai's hand.

"Idiot." Kurogane mumbled to himself, "So you've been moping all day?"

Kurogane was suddenly glad Fai was still asleep, because he realized how unconfident that remark sounded the moment it escaped his lips. Fai would have teased him about trying to be manly or some stupid thing. But even so, the ninja stayed right where he was by the mage's side.

He would have liked to say Fai looked peaceful in his sleep, but that would be lying. Is this how Fai really was? Pain only showing when he wasn't conscious to forcefully conceal it?

A second look at the paper Fai held caused a confused frown to cross Kurogane's lips. The top of it clearly said "Dear Kurogane".

Obviously curious, Kurogane gently pulled the paper out of Fai's grasp. Fai didn't stir.

The black-haired man was careful not to make much noise when straightening out the paper. He looked at Fai's pale face once more before turning his eyes on what was definitely Fai's handwriting and started to read.

_Dear Kurogane,_

_I know maybe this isn't something you'd like to hear. I know this isn't the best way to tell you what I'm about to tell you, but I… I have no other choice._

_You know, you're the only one who sees through this smile. I've never met anyone that could see beyond this façade, ever. You really astound me sometimes, Kurochii. I might be able to run and hide from the one who will come after me, but I can't do the same with you. You're always right there beside me, and I can't hide._

_I've tried my best to keep unnecessary things hidden… but it doesn't matter in the end. You catch on quickly. What's your secret? What's giving me away? I wish I knew._

_Maybe that's why I love you so much._

_Yes, that's right. I love you, Kurogane, and I can hardly stand it. All I can ever think about is you, how far you go to protect me and the kids, how I know when you look at me you don't really see my fake smiles, and how strong you are. You really do feel like Daddy sometimes. You protect Mommy and the kids with everything you have, and Mommy loves you more than anything. I just hope you can somehow find a part of you that can return that feeling._

_Until then, I'll wait. Even if you hate me now, even if you don't love me too and never will, I'll still wait. Waiting for you to love me, even if it takes an eternity, isn't as painful as it is to keep all of this to myself for another day._

_All my love,  
Mommy Fai._

…Kurogane was surprised, to say the least.

Truthfully, he _had_ wondered a few times if the mage was attracted to him that way, but always blown it off as Fai being a hyperactive idiot. He still remembered Fai saying "I love you" right before he passed out three worlds ago, but the mage was drunk that night and so that didn't count.

Right?

Obviously not, according to this letter.

Red eyes flicked over to the sleeping man again. Had Fai intended on giving this to him? Was it really the only way he could confess? Or was it something that Kurogane was never meant to see?

The silence seemed to grow more unbearable as every second passed, but still Kurogane couldn't take his eyes off the sleeping Fai or move his arm to shake him until he awoke. Finally he found the strength to stand, but instead of waking the mage, went over to the desk Fai had used to write this letter in the first place.

He fumbled around for a moment before he found Fai's pen. He placed the paper on the desk and quickly scribbled something down near the bottom. When he was finished with what he was writing, the ninja went back to Fai's side.

"…just wake up soon, you idiot." Kurogane tried to sound demanding. He folded the paper neatly and laid it on Fai's pillow beside his blonde head. "And you better notice that there's something new on that damn paper."

Silence quickly fell over him again. Then, hesitantly, the ninja gently swept a strand of hair out of Fai's eyes and placed a light kiss on his forehead before leaving.

The moment Fai was certain Kurogane had left, he eased his eyes open.

"Kurorin…" He mumbled softly, dragging himself into a sitting position. He took the wrinkled letter in his hand and stared at it.

Fai _had_ been asleep when Kurogane first entered the room. However, he had woken up to hear the scribbling of a pen to paper. From there on he was conscious, but pretended not to be. In retrospect, he decided that it was better that he pretended to be asleep anyways.

Slowly, he unfolded it. It took a moment for him to notice, but sure enough, there was one single sentence in someone else's handwriting at the very bottom.

_You don't have to wait for me anymore._

Fai's lips curled into a smile, and he laughed softly.

"I'm glad, Kurotan."

"Me too."

Startled, Fai looked up to see Kurogane leaning in the doorway. He opened his mouth to say something, sighed, closed it again and shook his head in amusement. Kurogane grinned.

"You knew I was awake, huh?"

"Actually I didn't. It was just a lucky guess." Kurogane explained as he stepped in the room again and closed the door behind him, leaning against it. Red eyes stared with satisfaction into tired blue ones. "…you didn't want me to see that note, did you?"

"No, I did. I just didn't know how to show you. Well, at least I know that pen I bought wasn't a rip-off."

Kurogane snorted, suddenly recalling the shady looking salesman they ran into the day before. "You actually bought one of those after?"

"I was desperate." The smile on Fai's face was reassuring, even though it was only small.

"Hm." Kurogane mused silently to himself, pushing off from the door and heading over to Fai's bed, where he sat down beside him. "Well, was that everything?"

Fai studied Kurogane's face for the longest time, trying to form a coherent answer. Nothing came to mind.

Except one thing.

Fai hooked a finger in Kurogane's shirt collar, but leaned forward instead of pulling him in, and pressed his lips against the ones he had wanted to kiss for so long. It was only a quick kiss, but when Fai pulled back their lips were still just a breath apart.

"I wanted that for a while, too."

Fai was happy to see Kurogane grin. "That's it? If you're so in love, wouldn't you have preferred something…"

Kurogane closed the distance between their lips in a much rougher kiss than the one Fai had given him. Also unlike Fai's kiss, Kurogane's tongue was quick to find its way into the mage's mouth. To be honest, the ninja wasn't used to anything of this nature, but it obvious to tell Fai was pleased. He pulled back.

"…like that?"

"Hmm, I don't know" Fai drawled playfully as he stared into Kurogane's deep red eyes. "I wasn't paying attention. Care to show me again?"

So he did, and with even more fire this time than the last.

For the first time in what felt like forever, Fai could finally truthfully say that he was happy. A wish he had subconsciously made had come true, and it gave him hope that maybe there _was_ a happy ending somewhere for him. Maybe he was still scratched and wounded from times before Kurogane, but he believed now that it was possible to heal. Fai may still be running and hiding, but at least he wasn't falling anymore.

And for that, Fai decided that he was happy.


End file.
